I’ve been looking for ways
to approach personal growth–
actually, the whole of my life–with
more ease, lightness of being, and self-compassion
in the upcoming year.
Though I’ll readily state that I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions, the spirit of the season has nonetheless made an impression:
Within the last 36 hours, I’ve taken a ride on a roller coaster
up to an exhilarating high crest–
creating vision boards, my heart aflutter, pulse racing
with optimistic, energizing hopes and dreams–
quickly followed by a rapid descent to the lowest of lows–
feelings of despair, reminders of past failures,
plus self-recriminating thoughts aplenty.
I know I’ll ride it out.
Quickly, compared to previous years. Because at least now I understand my worth.
I have learned that I am not the sum total of my feelings or thoughts at any given moment.
I see them for what they are, the fears fueling my roller coaster:
- Fear of changing;
- Fear of NOT changing;
- Fear of not having the capacity to change;
- Fear of not being worthy of change;
- Fear of not having the opportunity to change;
- Fear of not believing that I can change;
- Fear of letting go of something yet unidentified.
These fears bear examination, but not rumination. If you know what I mean.
This article on Oprah.com offered a fresh perspective on the subject, as did the focused simplicity of the quote below. I saw this little missive from Liz Gilbert on Facebook this morning, and that was reassuring too. Then I fired myself up by remembering to re-read this piece on perfectionism being the voice of the oppressor by my beloved Anne Lamott.
All of this wisdom helps. Tremendously. Arrows guiding me toward the next stop on my journey. Thank you, God.
So now that I’ve written this, I’ll take a break. Watch Downton Abbey. Let it be.
I hope that none of you has been on a similar roller coaster, but if you have…perhaps this post will help.
“I’m a big fan of the kinds of minor changes that add up to major delight.
The best way I know for sure to stay in steady makeover mode is
to take care of yourself.
To feed yourself
with love and loving thoughts.
To eat food that’s
delicious to you and your body.
To engage in loving practices,
like giving yourself
the gift of stillness
at least five minutes a day.
To surround yourself with
people who bring you light,
and to banish
all forms of negative energy.”
– Oprah Winfrey